Today I read from Psalm 11, Matthew 5 and Acts 7. It seems that David when through a lot of grief in order to verbalize what he did in the Psalm. He seemed so certain that God would deliver him from whatever strife he was facing. I picture God sitting on a Holy throne high above in the sky and He examines all of our souls, almost like in Lord Of The Rings when the eye of Sauron was transfixed on the ring bearer. This Psalm doesn't seem to end as optimistically as the other ones. Maybe even David got tired of being optimistic.

How are people to see our good deeds and give praise to God in heaven? I guess whoever was observing our "good deeds" must known that we are doing so because of our love for God, or that somehow we were connected to God (as opposed to being just anyone doing a good deed). It seems also that passage into heaven does depend on a deed: being righteous at a level that surpasses that of the Pharisees. Who are today's Pharisees?

Stephen presents the Coles Notes version of the story from Abraham to Moses.

Perhaps saying that I have a heart for serving on a mission to China is not entirely accurate. I have never had a previous encounter that sparked any sense of yearning for my own people that I frequently see others possess. In fact, there is probably lots of truth in the fact that I am looking for a change, some new route to take since the path I am on now seems only to bring pain and hopelessness. Under the charter of Free Will that has been given to us, am I not entitled to making this choice? Am I hurting anyone or the church by doing this? Certainly, I would make a great poster-child for any church: "Look at Tim, going through what he is going, and still serving the church with dedication". Well, that profession does not offer me any comfort.

A sense of urgency has come upon me. It doesn't feel wrong to me to think that I will not be living past my 55th birthday. I don't know where this thought came from, and it's not because I am suicidal. On the contrary, this thought brings a motivation for living that I have never felt before. It's quite refreshing. I think it came from a harmless, mindless thought about RRSP's, or reflection about Mary Hutchin's recent passing, or perhaps a CMA math problem I was trying to figure out. What is the use of setting aside money (besides the tax sheltering benefits realized now) for the future? Then I thought, well, I don't really have a desire to "retire". I would rather work hard until the day I died. I'm going to turn 30 this year. That means I have 25 years to make an impact. That also means that I have already lived past half my life. And I feel like I have nothing in God's kingdow to show for it. If it's any consolation, Jesus didn't start his ministry until he was 30. By the way, what calendar did they use in Jesus' time? Anyways, I've been living with the mantra "Living Above The Level of Mediocrity" for a couple of years now. That may change to "Kamikazee for Christ". Kinda stresses the urgency.