CONFLICT OF INTEREST

This phrase brings fear to many corporations now a days. Those that are more anxious than others (like the company that I currently work for) will undertake many steps to map our processes and segregate related tasks that may be seen as 'inappropriate' from an auditor's point of view. With so many companies that have been fined, it's now a financial liability NOT to take these pre-cautionary steps. The goal is to prove the integral worth of a business - that, at the end of the day, its successes are validated as being achieved legitimately. Kind of like a purity test.
[Worlds Apart playing on Archos]
Is it possible that whenever one goes through a crisis and cries out to God for relief, and He responds as if giving in to our cries, that this could be seen as a CONFLICT OF INTEREST? Like a parent giving in to the screaming tantrum by their child for a toy; just who is controlling who? How can one claim the value God's gift of free will if in the moment of intense begging, He swoops down and rescues us? Not that anyone should have to suffer a trial until death, but that we should truly endure the crisis until "fruition". And the result at the end? True/pure character development. Wouldn't it be a valid argument to say that if the full experience was shortened, it would almost be the same as being robbed of the full potential of the character development exercise. I'm not being masochistic, although one might describe my 'addiction' to running and the general wearing down of my body through physical activity as fitting to the definition. But I'm almost seeing that there is no point in me grieving every day over the situation that I find myself in. Yes, the feelings of rejection, abandonment and loneliness continue to plaque me quite intensely. But I don't think that premature relief is truly what's good for me in the long run. I hold firm to the belief that God will provide sufficient grace (not a single ounce more) and that He won't allow us to endure more than we can bear. Part of the problem is that my definition of what I can endure is probably less than what I really CAN because of the relatively comfortable life that I've lived.
[The Vally Song playing on Archos]
And how much of what I'm grieving is a direct result of the life that I have lived so far? I'm grateful that my parents worked so hard to create a safe and secure environment for me to grow up in. Yet, I think that one of the bi-products is an expectation for a continued life of comfort and stability. Things are NOT supposed to go awry. So, when something does, I first react by thinking how unjust/abnormal it is I am for finding myself here. What if I grew up in the same environment as either of my parents? Perhaps my tolerance for loneliness would be more endurable because that is what I would have been used to. It's hard to de-program myself because everything has been hard wired. It makes it even harder when many things around me suggest that the 'hard wired protocol' is not wrong, but instead is part of the norm that should have happened.
[I Have Been There playing on Archos]
When friends around me are continuously getting married, having babies, serving in Church, making crass remarks about the gift of 'singleness'... I realize that these are not bad things to yearn/strive for. And as hard as I try, it pains me that I am on the outside looking in, not able to hold any of these things even for a mere moment. It kills me to think that my dad was my age when I was born. But this has been my journey so far. I am learning more about how a life and world with the realities about myself might unfold.
[Shout To The Lord - original - playing on Archos]