FOREFATHERS

It's important to me that, each time I visit Toronto, I take the time to go visit my grandfathers. Curiously, there is a trend of the male side of my family being outlived by their female counterparts. Yet, I find the visit to the respective cemeteries of my grandfathers very consoling. It is a reminder to me of where I come from and who I am currently. Things that I do today can have lasting impacts, even beyond my living life. In my stash of memories, I have many meaningful ones of these visits (although I find that as each year passes, the exact location of the specific plots become more faint - thank goodness for PDA's). During the time of "ching ming", our entire family would gather at my grandfather's plot. We would take the time to make his area nice, removing the old flowers and replacing them with fresh ones. We would also pour my grandfather some wine and bring some food to him. Paper money would be placed on his headstone or burned in a makeshift oilcan, to ensure that he could have enjoyable spending sprees at whatever after-life retail outlets he might find himself in. We would then proceed to eat lunch with him, often a spread of roasted suckling pig, an amazing collection of buns, sticky rice and various fruit. At this point, the cousins would be chatting it up, catching up since family gatherings like these become less frequent.

Today, it was just my immediate family. Still about 2 weeks ahead of when ching ming is, the cemeteries were quiet. No crowds, no fuss about finding a parking spot, no overflowing garbage bins. The four of us gathered around the plot, placed the fresh bouquet of tulips at the base of his headstone and secured it with some stones. At one point, there often is a moment of reflection that is spent differently by different members of the family. Some will do the tradition bowing, some will talk to the headstone, some just stand in silence. Today, my dad said a few meaningful words to his father. Me, I relished the fact that our clan of 4 was together once again, albeit the gathering catalyzed by trying circumstances. I wondered at what words of wisdom my grandfather would have said to us, looking up at us from where he laid. I am certain that he would see how strong our family ties are, that no matter what things happen upon our lives, we are resilient and will successfully tough it out. I also thanked him because I know that, somehow, he plays a part in keeping the scales of trials/blessings balanced.