MANIPULATION AND RECONCILIATION

There should be no manipulation in reconciliation. This relates the idea that when people are aware of their needs and good news is brought to them, the proclamation itself is the invitation; persuasion is not required. Consider a community that has been ravaged by drought is in desperate need of food. When I arrive and indicate that I have food, do I start by asking who would be interested in eating and then organizing them into an eating task force with its own membership rules and theologies? Likewise, the Good News of reconciliation is more effectively conveyed THROUGH activities of building and healing. People should see Jesus in what I do.

If my mom calls me and tells me that she is disappointed that I don't call her more often, that's all that she needs to say. She doesn't have to say that I should call her more often, "or else..." There's no guilt, no manipulation. Because I love her AND I know that my insensitivity causes her pain, I will change my actions. I don't think "well, I better suck up to her more so I can get my share of the inheritance". In fact, this thought is offensive, as it should be in any healthy relationship. It would be like saying "OK Mom, let me know what the bottom line is. How often do I have to call you in order for me to get my money when you die?" Likewise, my relationship with God should be the same way. It's not a about how much can I get away with AND still get into heaven. It's knowing that my actions cause Him to be disappointed, but because I love Him so much, I will desire to change. No manipulation required.

I got a call from Katherine earlier this week, pleading with me to go snowboarding with her this Friday. Knowing that Friday would be the end of the work week, and by the time I got back from Blue after a few hours of riding, it was going to make for a very long day. So, I indicated that I wasn't all that enthusiastic about the idea. She insisted and I thought that, at the very least, it would give me a chance to talk to her about our situation on the ride there and back. So I agreed. Turns out, the whole time up was spent trying to convince me to go with her to Calgary for her March Break. I have legitimate reasons for not wanting to go that I stuck by: I don't have any more vacation days that I can spare and I'm a little 'fatigued' from all the snowboarding that I've done already (planning another riding trip seems especially tedious at this point). She kept insisting that it was important that I go. I pressed this point further: important for the outcome of our relationship? important for her well being? She did not respond but went on to say that I was being selfish (i.e. not thinking of her when saying no) and why was it so easy for me to commit to short term missions, volunteering to be a home church leader, and even going on an overnight small group retreat? The guilt spears were coming fast and furious! I stood my ground firm, not out of spite, but I really could see clearly how she was trying to manipulate me. And I REALLY did not want to go. She literally threw a temper tantrum in the car. Thoughts of her grabbing the steering wheel and veering us onto the path of an oncoming truck on the single laned highway 26 crossed my mind, so I gripped the steering wheel harder. But of course, nothing happened, and the hour and a half "conversation" petered out as we arrived at the mountain. So much for wanting to talk about things that related to our current situation.