THE GRACE TO ENDURE, A DAY AT A TIME

(written for March 23, 2005)
When I testify to the fact that God gives me enough grace (or strength/patience/will power – whatever), the last entry probably represents the absolute most minimum amount of grace that I could have received and still make it. Sometimes, I feel that there just isn't enough and giving up is the only option. Most of the last post was first penned on the back of 3 of my business cards (my Palm is still dead) as I sat waiting for a friend to arrive for dinner. It is interesting to see that I write more forcefully when using a pen than a keyboard. I was intent on sharing about the current stage of my marriage because this was one of the few friends who helped out extensively with the wedding but with whom I had not yet told. I felt a deep obligation, as it has been almost 4 years. Grace came, as it often does, in the form of encouraging words. I was reminded that it is quite possible that this whole thing is dragging out because I haven't been intensely focusing on it, unlike some of my family members who feel more urgency to finding a resolution. As well, my recent discovery of healing through serving others is not ungrounded. My friend's parents went through a drawn out divorce process and, in many ways, my friend wished that divorce came earlier than it had. It is refreshing to hear from someone who sees divorce as a healthy solution when all others attempts at reconciliation are exhausted.

Do I feel like this is the validation that I was yearning for the night before? No, but it was a response from God. As usual, in His twisted-sense-of-humour-kind-of-way, His response is always something that I would not have thought of. Kind of like a kid who replies to a question with a smart ass question. In this case, though, His response has made me think of something else. Am I able to be assertive, yet in loving grace that He has pre-purchased with His Son?