AUTOMOTIVE TRANSFUSION

My cousin Vince showed me today how to change the engine oil and transmission fluid in my car. How cool is that? Up to this point, I've been reluctantly allowing myself to go to Mr. Lube every 5,000 km's to get ripped off royally. Plus, they're very aggressive in trying to sell you "other services". Now I feel like I don't have to do that. For future reference:

Patient Preparation (oil change):
- purchase 4L of 5W30 oil (roughly $12 for the non-synthetic type at Wally's or Crappy Tire's)
- purchase a Fram 3593 oil filter (roughly $5 for the base model, also at the above mentioned suppliers)
- have an oil pan ready
- have a 2 ton jack ready (2 are preferable)
- have 2 wheel stops ready (can use bricks)
- have 2 safety props in case jack fails (can use tires)
- have safety glasses because you are working underneath where the oil spills out
- have a ball cap on because it's very tiring cranking your head up to keep it from resting on the ground
- have Queen's coveralls on (aside from Frosh week activities, what else are you going to wear it for? Oh yeah, paintballing)
- have a 17mm socket and ratchet ready

Procedure (oil change):
- jack up car using the jacks; there is a metal plate located just behind the front wheels that will support the weight of the car while it's up; once jacked up, put in place the wheel stops and the props; get underneath the car
- use the 17mm socket to release the drain plug
- have pan ready, because once the plug is pulled, the oil shoots out, kind of like a slashed artery that you see on TV
- let the oil drain
- inspect plug to make sure threads are still good; replace plug with 17mm socket
- remove the old oil filter, which is located directly above the drain plug; have pan ready because oil spews out of here as well
- prime the new filter by putting oil on the outer gasket, as well as the inner threads (will make future replacement easier)
- install the new oil filter; hand tighten until there is no movement
- unjack the car so that it is back on the ground
- pour in the new oil into the engine; more than capacity is okay as the engine will burn some oil off

Post Operation Routines (oil change):
- turn on engine and let run for two minutes
- inspect dip stick to make sure level is okay; check underneath for any leaks
- properly dispose of old oil and filter to a hazardous waste disposal centre
- check oil level every two weeks and top off as required

The procedure for transmission fluid change is similar to the oil change procedure. Of course you will require synthetic transmission fluid (roughly $8 per litre from the Honda dealership service department) instead of engine oil. You will also need a special tube for feeding the fluid to the fill hole (a homemade contraption can be fashioned: a heater hose connected to a copper piping joint with a funnel on it). The fill hole is unplugged by using the 17mm socket, from underneath the car. The excess fluid is allowed to drain. The drain plug is loosened by using the racket without any heads (the plug is a square shaped bolt). This bolt is located beneath the fill plug, one of the bolts closest to the ground. Again, catch the fluid (which has the appearance of clean oil) into the pan. Once completely drained, replace the drain plug. Then, dump about 1.8 litres of fluid using the contraption. The idea is that the hole represents the top of the fill line, so excess fluid will leak out once you've hit the top of the hole. Replace the fill plug. Vince told me to do this with the car jacked up on one side, so that you can pour more fluid in without having it spew out once it hits the fill hole line.

Today, it took us 3 hours to do this, mainly because we didn't have the right tools. But a friendly neighbor let us borrow the right sized socket. Hopefully, future operations won't take as long!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

What a joyful time it is! The following people are to be congratulated on their "new editions":

Joyce and Pete - Ella
Joanne and Tim - Tobin
Christine and Mark - Ethan
Adah and Kelvin - Michael
Sarah and Eli - Aiden
Winnie and Kevin - Owen

Welcome to the undergrad graduating class of 2027!

ROTTEN EGG PLANTS 2005

What a great lesson in expectation. Particularly for the worship team that I was helping out with this past weekend at Avalanche 2005, held at Muskoka Woods Sports Resort. I guess once you've done a conference or two, it seems like cakewalk. Well, not so when dealing with 500+ charged up junior high students. But it's really not the kids, who are still quite impressionable. It's the adults who absolutely believe they know what a human being a quarter of their age will respond to. Throw in a little brash communication techniques and ridiculously granular micromanagement and VOILA, you have a formula for an interesting experience for an extremely talented, yet unseasoned and young worship team. This is not to say that the scrapping of song sets that the team had worked on for months and months to prepare with 30 minutes before the session didn't result in a more participative worship session, but it was the way that the program was manipulated that worries me. After all, who can truly say that the kids were more responsive SOLELY because of the program change, instead of the Spirit of God? And the lack of respect. Yes, the organization probably saved thousands of dollars by not hiring a professional band as they've done in the past, but that is not license for demeaning puppetry. You don't adjust the amp settings on a guitar player or put duct tape on the snare head of a drummer without asking. Yes, they are proven techniques in the sound world for desirable modifications, but there is a tactful way of collaborating with the musician to do it!

Anyways, I rant only because one would think that such things only happen in the secular world. But, in some ways, I'm glad that it did happen. I believe that the true character of a team can only be displayed through adversity. Because the team was so talented, it probably took something so drastic (and appalling) for their integrity to shine through. They responded, well, like how Godly leaders would: understanding what the purpose of the team was and building a firm position around it. In fact, it drew the team together in fellowship and prayer. I just hope that they don't remember me for being the one who got the van stuck in a snow bank while we ad hoc-ly decided to find out what was on the other side of the mysterious tunnel, and caused another vehicle to crash into the other snow bank while trying to avoid us! I learned all about "Safeties"; that the drum riff for One Way can go with practically any song; that Russell Peters can be quoted SO much and still be funny; that a Honda Odyssey can drag a small to medium sized tree under its belly and still drive like normal; that skin REALLY does stick to metal in cold temperatures (I didn't do it, but one of the emcees did and he got a swollen tongue trying to get it unstuck); that kids don't mind drinking pop from a can that is covered by SOMEONE ELSE'S sock or stuff vienna sausages up their noses and seeing how far they can shoot it by hawking it out through one nostril; that it's a lot of fun kicking a frozen, half eaten apple in a field of snow because it doesn't break apart; that there is a Lytton Blvd. in Forest Hill and a Lytton Blvd. in Richmond Hill; and that you can play home run derby with a fooseball table. Wow, what a crazy weekend. I'm glad I got to know this worship team through it, and I'm so encouraged by their passion for worship and for serving God.

Here are some pics:

Sam trying to hype up the kids!

Hey, you can see me controlling the Powerpoint underneath the scaffolding!

Everyone worshipping to Days Of Elijah!

Chris (the emcee who got his tongue stuck on a metal) gets egged!

Phil Cann, the tattoo wearing, motorcycle riding, exceptionally eccentric, English none the less, speaker.

WHAT IS SHAME?

I was on the treadmill in my office's fitness centre. I was about 10 minutes into a "random" program (a combination of different gradients and speeds) when I looked up. On the TV were the highlights from yesterday's playoff football game. I was oo-ing at a bone crunching tackle when all of a sudden, the ground shifted beneath my feet (which in itself is an odd statement since I was on a treadmill!). Before I knew it, I was skidding off the contraption. I grabbed for the handrail, but this one has really short ones, so I missed. I landed flat on my butt and was shot backwards right at the much too close mirrored wall! Luckily, the mirror absorbed my hurled body and then I was flat on my back. The guy next to me hopped over and hit the emergency kill switch. Man, everyone in the place heard the noise and was looking my way. And then, who do I see around the corner looking at me? My boss. Nuff said!

FROM RESURRECTION TO SUFFERING

Interesting how a benign group discussion on resurrection can lead to the topic of suffering. The title of this blog seems incorrect, because post-resurrection is supposed to be 'suffer-free' or 'pain-free', like a happy epilogue to a long story, as how it's always been taught in Sunday School. But I think that post-resurrection means becoming introduced to more suffering.

Jesus will return and all that accepted Him as Savior will be raised and transported to this place called Heaven (or stay on an earth that is cleansed and transformed into a magnificent place with roads made out of gold), where there is no more pain or tears. This is what I've been taught. I think that our resurrection is more of a state of being rather than an event that happens in the time line. Once I was asked by a Hindu friend that, because she did not follow Jesus, did I think that she was going to hell? I told her that, to me, hell is being in a state where one is separated from God. Kind of like when a parent makes the realization that their young child has been abducted, marking the beginning of a hell until they are reunited. In the same sense, heaven is also a state of being, the immeasurable closeness with God. So, although Jesus will return one day (defined as when the whole world is at one in worshipping God - which means when all the imbalances in this world are reconciled - which means until then there is still SO much work to be done), one does not have to wait until that point in the time line for resurrection. By this I mean a spiritual resurrection or a change of state. One may already be in a state of heaven or hell without even knowing it. Others can tell you for sure that they are going through hell, equating it to extreme suffering. Suffering and death seem to be a precursor to resurrection, as exampled by Jesus (link to RAC sermon on "Why Christ Had To Suffer That Way"), and so maybe one does not truly experience resurrection until they have journeyed through that valley.

I still think that suffering is a direct cause of what we have chosen. And I don't mean what I did yesterday or 10 years ago, but the fact that we HAVE the freedom to choose. Maybe it stems back to the Garden of Eden if one is to believe that there was an Adam and Eve. More importantly, it keeps whole the integrity of God's love for us by giving us unabated freedom to choose. We reap the wonderful rewards of choice but we also have to accept its consequences. Maybe it's like a covenant God made with us before time, and His acquiescence when we plead to Him to intervene would be a breach of that covenant, because He knows in the end, the final deliverable of this covenant that is kept intact is so much more valuable for us than one that is compromised. Being confined to the state of limited time and space, we don't know all the details of this covenant, so it's easy to persecute Him in the context of what little we know. We demand answers, we demand action. Why do we have to watch a family member die before our eyes? Why does a young and amazing man with so much future ahead of him have to painfully struggle with fibromyalgia? Why does a person who wants to honour God by passionately serving in a marriage relationship now have to wrestle with divorce?

I don't think that there are answers. Kind of makes God seem cruel to just let us wallow in our own pile of smelly anguish. Or is it some sort of sick auction that He's got going: He'll only respond to those who pray/read Scriptures/meditate/ the hardest? A deranged kind of contest where the prize to the successful candidate is His Response. Or some heavenly judge who adjudicates a favourable ruling to the one who presents the best argument?

Some suffering in this world is a direct consequence of our actions. Homelessness and hunger are just two very common but very solvable problems if choices are made to address these. Other more personal sufferings seem to have no root cause. Perhaps these are meant to be the process of dying. For only through my dying can I truly experience resurrection. But once I've resurrected, I'm still here, bound by this body, by space and time. And I am still surrounded by all these solvable sufferings. All of a sudden, I have this new awareness of the pain around me. And though it is not my own, I feel it nevertheless. Where once I only saw my own pain, now I actually see others' pains. It is the pain of someone being oppressed. It is the pain of someone being hungry. It is the pain of not having hope. But now, I feel like I can do something about it. I can give of my body and my soul. And though I don't think that I can solve all of these pains, I can try. No longer am I concerned about what happens to my life or what I am able to consume. Now I think about how much work has to be done before Jesus returns. My resurrection is a commencement.

I had lunch with my parents today. They were telling me how their church has just finished planning a retreat to be held in September where they've booked a famous guest speaker. I didn't recognize this person when they mentioned his name, but they said that he was quite active in community service. Intrigued, I pressed on to see what he has done. They said that one of his biggest accomplishments was his active involvement in lobbying Parliament regarding the same sex marriage bill. At that moment, I nearly choked on a "fong chow" (chicken feet) bone, shocked by what some people equate honourable community service with.

BENEVOLENCE TEST - FAILED

[Burn For You playing on Archos]
I've noticed a recurring pattern. Every time I dwell on my personal problems and feel myself slipping into thoughts of despair and hopelessness, it is then that an opportunity (to serve) presents itself. It is almost like an ongoing test - to see if I can look beyond my self-centered perspective and see the true pain that's happening in this world. Or perhaps it's a blessing from God to assist in pulling me out of the mire. Today was no different.
[Gone playing on Archos]
Traffic was good today so I got to Yorkdale for church a little earlier than expected. I decided to go past Yorkdale and drive into a plaza parking lot, to finish off my coffee and do some reading before going to service. As I sat in the car, this tall, unshaven man approached my car. I thought he would pass my car but he stopped right on the other side of my window. He knocked on the window. Slightly startled, I slid the window down a crack. He started his "schpiel". He had an underaged niece with him (although she could not be seen) that was in need of assistance. There were no shelters that would allow a man of his age to stay with a young girl. He needed $50 for a motel that night and some more money for travel.
[Trudog playing on Archos]
Here was my response. I asked him if he had been able to contact the local church, who would be able to provide assistance. He started getting very hostile at that remark, saying that she had been sexually abused by her parents and her situation was fairly desperate. I mentioned that Children's Aid Society is very well equipped to handle these situations. He said that she was scared "#*%!-less" of CAS. I said that I wasn't able to help him. He asked why and then said that I was very selfish. I don't remember exactly what he said, but he mentioned that my responses were not very Christ-like, that I was of the devil and that he was no longer going to speak to someone of the devil. He then walked off.
[Catchafire playing on Archos]
It wasn't his criticism that is bothering me right now, because I've been called worst things or have had hexes put on me. It is, once again, the retrospect that I allowed my own cynicism, mistrust, and pride to get in the way of how I should have responded. Having lived downtown for more than 3 years, I'm used to engaging people who are asking for money. I have adopted a personal philosophy of not giving money because I see it as an easy way to sweep the hurt out of sight and out of my conscience. Thus, I try to make it a point to carry food with me whenever I'm walking downtown (and it has to be food that is soft, because I had soon discovered that many homeless people cannot eat hard foods because they have no teeth!). If not, I will go somewhere and buy them food and bring it back. To say that I was caught off guard today would be a very lame excuse. The truth is that I had my sight obstructed/distracted by my own issues. I'm kicking myself because I could have made a difference (or least taken a different approach so as to improve the chances of making a difference).
[Hey Now playing on Archos]
I should have stepped out of the car and not talk to someone through the small crack of a window (small enough so that had he tried to grab at me, his hand would not have fit. That's what I was thinking.)
I should have kept eye contact with him. As he was going on about his niece, I remember distinctly that I looked away, as if in disbelief or disinterest.
I should have told him more confidently that I would not help him out by giving him money (he knew I was lying when I told him that I didn't have money to give) because it would not solve his long term problem (i.e. what was he going to do for the next day's motel fee). The focus should not have been on the money, but that I cared for him.
I should have offered him food. I was parked outside a McDonald's for crying out loud. I could have suggested that I buy him and his niece a meal.
I should not have gave him the shallow suggestion of going to the church. For one thing, I'm pretty disheartened by church in general. And it's the "passing the buck" attitude like what I displayed that is part of the problem. After all, in a way, I am a representative of the church and he came to me. Was I expecting that there is a person at any given church with the specific job of helping people in need? Yes, Mr. Person-In-Need, just ask for the Pastor of Benevoence- he'll hook you up! Of course not. Assuming that he even got through to someone at a church, it would be someone like me, a layperson presented with an unexpected opportunity to serve who would be facing this same decision to help or not. So, in essence, I was using the "church" pat answer to somehow relieve me of my obligation.
[Phenomenon playing on Archos]
And all this as I was waiting to attend a church that represents itself as a benevolent and caring community of Jesus followers trying to make a difference in this city. I think the title of this blog says it all.

THESE IMAGES ARE TOOGOOD (as in the pond)

I look at the images smiling back at me. I am reminded of a bright, sunny day in May, not too long ago. There's one that I remember from the train tracks. Long since used for trains, it seems neglected, yet it serves as a beautiful backdrop for the even more beautiful bride and groom. The rest of us are there, guys with jackets slung over their shoulders, and the girls, beaming with joy as we stand proud on either side. I see another image of just the "boys". This one was probably taken just outside of the park. We're standing in front of the limo, looking very casual, yet smiling very purposefully for the shot. Oh yeah, there's another image of just me. This one is in the restaurant. I'm delivering my best man's speech. I really don't remember anyone taking pictures at that time.

So, I put these pictures up. What am I doing? I ask myself. I don't even have pictures of my own wedding up, so isn't it odd that I put up pictures of someone else's? But then I think that it's not about that at all. It's about what these images represent: that happiness and true love do exist as blessings from God and here's proof. It's like an unexpected answer to my constant groaning. It's a reminder that I've focused too long on the painful side of life, allowing cynicism and hopelessness to infect my spirit.

NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS? NOT IN MY WORLD.

I am very troubled by what happened today. My original plan was to get together with Katherine to talk things through, to see where she's at, and perhaps agree to some civilized way of resolving our current situation. I was hopeful - a new year, a new beginning. The talk started off fine. Some shallow chit chat about what's been generally happening in each other's lives. Her recounting of her recent studies at seminary was a good segway into discussing our situation. My feeling was that it was all going well until we started talking about annulment.

She was using the story of Abraham and his having to sacrifice Isaac as an analogy. She was quite surprised to learn that when this test was quoted in Hebrews 11, it mentioned that Abraham went through with God's test, but with what would be indicative of doubt (or at the very least, incomplete trust - Abraham reasoned that God would raise Isaac from the dead - kind of like a perceived back up plan on Abraham's part). She felt that this was an appropriate analogy because she has been struggling with making the right decision, one that would please God more than the alternative. In order to establish this, she has been demanding a clear sign from God, as this was a heftier life impacting choice, bearing more weight than, say, choosing which university to attend. She is relating herself to Abraham in that though he was a spiritual giant, he had his doubts (or this incomplete trust referred to in the passage about ). As such, she felt that her arriving only now as some sort of disposition is a remarkable progress in faith. She said that it felt right for her to choose the option of "making it (i.e. the marriage) work", although she did not expect that the hallmarks of a marriage relationship (i.e. the inter-spousal relationship) would be something that would be achieved overnight, if at all. This is because if the two partners had their "focus on God", all the other elements (the hallmarks that I just mentioned) are irrelevant and considered worldly/secondary.

Honestly, I've been feeling that the only resolution is divorce. I've struggled with the idea of preserving the marriage, as evidenced by the numerous counseling sessions that I've attended with the hope of some breakthrough and even my putting off taking any pro-action in the past 3 years. But recently, I've been overwhelmed by the feeling that I'm wasting my life by not doing anything, as the weight of global social injustice grows heavier on my heart. How can I get so frustrated and handcuffed by this one relationship, when I could be somewhere else making a positive impact? So, in hearing Katherine's most recent revelation, I really wasn't too happy or thrilled about it. Partly it was my skepticism in that by attempting to "make it work" with the caveats, she is basically dragging this along. Partly, I still believe that she is unable to overcome certain fears to move on: the fear of being alone, the fear of the divorce stigma amongst the Christian circle, the fear of not pleasing God. I explained that my definition of a Godly marriage is one where the two sharpen each other (like iron sharpening iron), and that the absence of the marriage hallmarks would be the same as 2 spiritually like-minded people who are living in a false pretense for the sake of convenience. She did not disagree (and this reinforced to me how she has always viewed me: a companion for which the marriage totally screwed up convenience). To further test my theory, I suggested to her the following action, as a sign of good faith that she was sincere: I would agree to attempting to "make it work" as long as we annulled the current marriage, as a means to close the chapter on an obviously illegitimate journey. However, this is when things in our discussion took a turn for the worse.

In her mind, by going through with the annulment (she is very picky about labeling it an annulment, even though it would be a certificate of divorce that would be signed), there would be no way to "make it work". Huh? If the marriage was illegitimate in the first place, how would the symbolic formality of annulling it derail a new/more legitimate relationship? Her defense to this position was that, should we "make it work", she doesn't want to have to go through the whole courtship/engagement/wedding fiasco, as her contempt for this whole staging process was super obvious. Instead, she would prefer just to have this current label of marriage grandfather over to the next one!

From that point on, it became one of her typical accusation assaults. How could I demean the progress that she's made to get to this point, the point where she took a step of faith comparable to that of Abraham's? Why wasn't I doing my part (i.e. I read this to mean why didn't I just concede and go along with her charade)? Why was I so selfish in thinking of only what would make me happy? Why was I so worldly in wanting to have the hallmarks of a marriage present when the main focus should be on God? I don't remember what else she accused me of, but I kind of tuned out at the point. I was starting to get exhausted, having to think of how to defend my position, because I was under such immense attack. So, I gave up. I didn't give in, but I basically ignored her. I probably said some things that I regret now, but I didn't care. At one point, I even remember asking why she wanted to save "this". Couldn't she tell that I didn't want to be with her? She did not respond because my statement didn't affect her. ME rejecting her is no big deal, because it was never ME that she was into. She was into me just BEING there.

This is absolutely so screwed up. But when you're in the trenches and fighting a front line fight, you lose sense of context and common sense. Everything was so intense, and I left feeling like I just finished a marathon. In fact, I find great relief in being able to blog about it now, and am kicking myself for not having gone through this exercise sooner, instead of having to carry this all bottle up inside all night. I have no clue how this is going to turn out. My acquired cynicism tells me that it could drag on for ever.

BROWN EYED GIRL

A very interesting thing happened tonight. I was sitting in a nearby Timmy's, finishing off a novel that I'm reading (The Poet by Michael Connelly). I had Archos plugged into my ears. Despite the fact that the ear buds have rubber gaskets on them to completely seal off external sounds from going to the ear canals, I can still hear a little of what's going when I'm in the 2-3 seconds of silence between each song. On one such occasion, I heard a song piping through the in house system at Timmy's. Well, the next song that came on Archos was exactly that same one that I heard on the in house system: Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl! I had to take off the ear buds just to confirm...

Another cool thing that I've just discovered about the latest firmware for the Archos is that it has this new feature called MDP (I forget what it stands for). Basically, it's an algorithm that compensates for the limited bass responsiveness of your typical headphones/ear buds (although I'm very impressed by the Sony buds that I have right now, especially because of the bass response achieved by having the rubber gaskets). It does this by emphasizing some of the first and second harmonics of low frequency sounds, thereby tricking the brain in 'hearing' the low end bass notes because it senses the heightened harmonics. Pretty cool!